Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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