wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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