I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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