I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
