I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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