i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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