epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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