I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
