I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize