If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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