the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
