It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
