Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
