dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
