well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
