he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
