I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
