My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you would pick up someone in the library
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
