did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
