It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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