You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
