I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
