I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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