you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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