My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
