It's like God shit irony all over that family
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
