First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
