I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
