so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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