If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
