Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's get the cat blown out
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
