i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
