At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
