We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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