I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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