3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
