you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
