I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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