mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
