just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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