i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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