I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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