I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish my penis had an off switch
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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