if only i could text you this smell
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
