Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
