she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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