we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
