Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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