I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize