If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
