hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
