I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
