i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
