If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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