my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He shit in the fireplace
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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