I love black thongs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
