i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
