Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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