i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
