They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
two words: eviction party
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
