My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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