Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize