According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
