we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
