Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
